Where did you get a picture of my penis
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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