Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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