I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
