Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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