I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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