whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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