...so i touched it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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