nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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