You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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