Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
