no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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