only if we run a train.
done.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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