Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
