Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
