Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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