i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
only you would photoshop your dick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
