I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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