I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
