I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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