I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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