You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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