Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
