After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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