Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want her autograph on my taint
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Randomize
