first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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