After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
