Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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