Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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