I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
