Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
