What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
