you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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