I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
