You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
