my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
