before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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