How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
