Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
