Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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