It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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