Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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