1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
