I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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