I hate your face
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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