Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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