Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
