I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
