Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
