She's JV to your varsity
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I die, sorry about rent.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
