I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
